When we feel threatened, our brains click over to fight or flight or freeze mode. We attack, run, or seize up. And this does not help us address the “threat” intelligently. Ok, we have heard this before. But there are two more (tricky) manifestations of this that also counterproductive, but less obviously so. (1) FAWN:Continue reading “Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn, Fix”
Author Archives: Paul Mitchell
Leading for Lent – Part 2
Two weeks ago, I wondered about what it would look like to take on the discomfort of leading, of gathering a group around a purpose, for Lent. This bit from chapter one of The Art of Gathering nicely focuses the challenge for our times.
Leading for Lent
I’ve heard that action is the antidote to anxiety. Recently, I’ve been wondering if it is not a little more specific.
What if agency, exercising intention and leadership in an uncertain situation, is in fact the way that uncertainty becomes less intimidating and more manageable?
And in situations where we seem to have no agency, we can learn to see that we do have a quite powerful opportunity: the possibility of gathering people together. More than we know, we are capable of convening a meaningful gathering serving a need of people we live, work, or pray with.
(I’ve recently picked up this book again to get better at this skill.)
Committing to convene a group of folks who need you is a cool thing to do for the liturgical season that started this Wednesday.
That is, what if we chose to lead for Lent?
Too Expensive
Even if we were given a smartphone for free, it may still be the most expensive thing we own.
Our most precious resources are our time and attention. Smartphones manipulate these two resources in ways that we do not see or even realize.
“Here are all the things to buy,” says the phone, “that will never satisfy. Here is all the curated outrage and anxiety… and here is unlimited access to work (even compelling work!) at all hours at the day or night.”
Unless we take measures to stop it, these things will distract us so thoroughly that we no longer know what we want to want.
Wanting What We Want to Want
What, in our lives, do we want to want?
Do we want those things / that life now and consistently?
If not, what is keeping us from wanting what we want to want?
What is the 15% we can choose today to move toward that desired life?
Don’t Erase Mine!
Last week at Sunday School, as our son’s class prepared for First Reconciliation, the instructors invited the students into a simple and illustrative activity.
There was a big heart drawn on the board, and the students were invited to fill it with habits and attachments that are not of God.
The point was to show that the sacrament clears our hearts of these things, so that in our hearts might grow the fruits of the Spirit.
When the instructor started erasing the words and narrating the metaphor, one rather exuberant young colleague jumped up and yelled, in full seriousness: “Don’t erase mine!!”
This is, of course, hilarious and the perfect reaction to illustrate why we need to be invited to the sacrament. We want this freedom from sin… buuuut maybe not yet.
Let’s pray for the grace to act with the Spirit now and not later.
Show Your Work
Through our schooling, our teachers reminded us to show our work. They invited us to make sure our thinking was sound and clear when making an argument, demonstrating a proof, or solving a problem.
Cognitive distortions abound and so teachers who do this well are priceless.
Leaders (that is to say, all of us) need to make a habit of showing our work. As we confront the realities of our day, let’s show our work and invite others to do the same.
Pause Game!
Often, when are sons are in the midst of a rollicking game (often involving an imaginative world of stuffies and legos and a yoga-mat-as-naval-vessel and running amok in our apartment) one of them will yell: “pause game!”
Maybe the energy was too high. Maybe one boysensed that they were out of sync. But the call is always heeded by the other and they take a moment to recalibrate.
In all instances, the pause enhances the play.
This is also true of our lives. Be it sabbath or a daily period dedicated to not doing.
Pausing is what makes our life and work fruitful, enjoyable, possible.
T-I-M-E
We are told that, for a young person, love is spelled T-I-M-E. That is, we love this child best when we consistently offer our undivided attention for meaningful amounts of time.
This may also be how we long for God to love us.
All we must do to make ourselves available to this love is offer our undivided attention for meaningful amounts of time.
Can We Stop Doing This?
As one might expect, our sons occasionally find themselves in a conversational rut. They are going back and forth in a way that makes them both angry and tired.
When they realize this is happening, they’ve started to say (mercifully): “Can we stop doing this?”
When we find ourselves in a communication or relational rut, we can ask the same – to change the dynamic and find another way forward.
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