on accompaniment, attentiveness, and contribution
Existence as a person in this world
A heart that longs for a loved one
A body to care for
The ability to reach out to another
An imagination that can make things or be generous
To see creation’s colors
These are some of life’s foundational luxuries. They put “luxuries” (typically conceived) in perspective.
At home, growing up, we would jokingly sing the refrain to the church hymn “Let there be peace on earth” as follows:
“Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with *you*…”
While silly, this is too often how we approach all kinds of conflict.
Understanding my role in the system of the conflict can help untangle the situation and provide a path forward.
Should anyone press you into service for one mile, go with him for two miles. (Matthew 5:41)
Walking the extra mile (after that initial distance is completed), what is the conversation like?
Does the conversation change? And how?
Perhaps one’s inner chatter (about what that person must be like) quiets down, defenses fall, better questions are asked and answered…
And as understanding deepens, patience is extended to the irrationality and incoherence present in everyone’s story.
This sort of transformation (becoming human, poor in spirit) is on offer for the compassionate and curious traveler.
Aristotle explored ethics “[not] in order to know what virtue is, but [that we might] become good.”
With what does it begin?
The household – our management of it and the formation we internalize while in it.
When I am able to see the home not as a not a chore to begrudge, rush through, or outsource – but as a foundation for a deeply good, abundant life, a new way of living opens before me.
Understatement alert!
Many words have been written and spoken about sin.
What if any communication on the topic started with St. Ignatius’ contention that a lack of gratitude was the sin to watch out for. How would that change the conversation?
“It seems to me in the light of the Divine Goodness… that ingratitude is the most abominable of sins… For it is a forgetting of the graces, benefits, and blessings received.” (St. Ignatius quoted on pg. 110 in The Ignatian Adventure)
We rightly appreciate great writing. The value of authors that can teach a distilled concept or weave a magical world is congratulated and remunerated.
But what about the value of readers? How might we equally honor the student (or adult) who seeks out varied and worthy writing, courageously struggles to understand its import and beauty, and recreates their vision and engagement of the world in the encounter?
An exceptional reader may be just as valuable an exceptional writer – and perhaps more rare.
We can choose to become and to appreciate outstanding readers. These days, we need them more than ever.
St. Ignatius describes a “presupposition” that should guide the relationship between spiritual director and directee as follows:
That both the giver and the maker of the Spiritual Exercises may be of greater help and benefit to each other, it should be presupposed that every good Christian ought to be more eager to put a good interpretation on a neighbor’s statement than to condemn it.
Further, if one cannot interpret it favorably, one should ask how the other means it. If that meaning is wrong, one should correct the person with love; and if this is not enough, one should search out every appropriate means through which, by understanding the statement in a good way, it may be saved. (SE 22, emphasis added)
While meant in a very specific context, it is difficult to imagine a relationship that this kind of rapport would not enhance.
And as far as possible without wildly being taken advantage of, adoption of this presupposition would make American political life far more productive, generous, and engaging.
Last year, I saw a US Catholic Bishop interacting with his smart phone in a remarkable way.
Before he would unlock it, he would discretely cross himself and momentarily pray.
I did not ask him about this practice (I wish that I had!) but I wonder what his intention or petition was as he prayed.
What might a “prayer as one picks up their phone” sound like?
It’s not a bad idea given the amount of time our devices dominate our attention.
Our sons’ teacher gives her class the following conceptual hook to think about how they speak to their classmates. She asks them, before they address another, to pass the words they are considering through the following “three gates.”
Is it true?
Is it necessary?
Is it kind?
(And kind is not always “nice”… these young people are surprisingly attuned to the need for collegial correction.)
If the words cannot pass through the gates, those words can be revised or omitted.
The gates can encourage communication too. If we have something true, necessary, and kind to say to a person or group, we probably should not keep it to ourselves.
“… then it is a lie.”
Living out of this mentality makes us fragile and reactionary.
The ability to consider the truth of another’s experience, even momentarily and provisionally, is fundamental to an empathic life in community.
This is not a permissive acceptance of everything thought or felt. (So not: “Everything is true everywhere!”) It is an empathic habit that leads to our ability to see the complexity of our world so that we can prudently love within it.
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