St. Ignatius describes a “presupposition” that should guide the relationship between spiritual director and directee as follows: That both the giver and the maker of the Spiritual Exercises may be of greater help and benefit to each other, it should be presupposed that every good Christian ought to be more eager to put a goodContinue reading “Presupposing Goodness”
Category Archives: Accompaniment
The Three Gates
Our sons’ teacher gives her class the following conceptual hook to think about how they speak to their classmates. She asks them, before they address another, to pass the words they are considering through the following “three gates.” Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind? (And kind is not always “nice”… these youngContinue reading “The Three Gates”
“If it is not my truth…”
“… then it is a lie.” Living out of this mentality makes us fragile and reactionary. The ability to consider the truth of another’s experience, even momentarily and provisionally, is fundamental to an empathic life in community. This is not a permissive acceptance of everything thought or felt. (So not: “Everything is true everywhere!”) ItContinue reading ““If it is not my truth…””
But an Instant
Today, a wonderful line from one of Mark Twain’s personal letters: “There isn’t time — so brief is life — for bickerings, apologies, heartburnings, callings to account. There is only time for loving — and but an instant, so to speak, for that.”
In Time / Out of Time
It is possible to live “out of time.” That is, to cling to a moment, season, or epoch and “how things were then” and “how we thought or spoke back then.” We need not even have experienced this period of time, but have only learned about it. Put another way, it is possible to experienceContinue reading “In Time / Out of Time”
What Is Here That I Have Never Noticed Before?
As I consider: A loved one, as they grow A well-loved Scripture passage That one tree The wonder of our bodies Our attention is necessarily filtered, often to the detriment of our lives. So: What is here that I have never noticed before? (And do I allow myself to slow down enough to hear theContinue reading “What Is Here That I Have Never Noticed Before?”
Characters and Compassion
Like a totally normal person (😉), I’ve been thinking lately about one of the essay questions on an English exam my senior year of high school. The internet helped me find the exact wording. Here it is: Discuss the notion of morally ambiguous characters—those whose behavior doesn’t allow readers to categorize them as purely goodContinue reading “Characters and Compassion”
The Edge of the Margin
Near our home is a building boasting a large-lettered sign with the name MarginEdge on top. I assume this is an office of some sort and I have no experience with with them other than seeing their sign, but what a curious idea that sign calls to mind. The demands of life (both real andContinue reading “The Edge of the Margin”
Adversary or Enemy?
So, consider for a moment that person one might disagree with… How we engage them and the story we tell about that interaction turns them into an adversary or an enemy. An adversary is a sparing partner, a worthy rival. An enemy is someone you behold with hostile contempt from whom nothing can be learned. Continue reading “Adversary or Enemy?”
The Confederacy of the Humbled
Count Rostov, the uniquely charming protagonist of A Gentleman in Moscow, experiences the loss of stature, influence, and the world he has known. (Not a spoiler! It happens on page 1.) By way of recovery from this loss, he casts a new narrative and describes his inclusion in the “Confederacy of the Humbled”:
“a close-knit brotherhood whose members travel with no outward markings, but who know each other at a glance. For having fallen suddenly from grace, those in the Confederacy share a certain perspective. Knowing beauty, influence, fame, and privilege to be borrowed rather than bestowed, they are not easily impressed. They are not quick to envy or take offense. They certainly do not scour the papers in search of their own names. They remain committed to living among their peers, but they greet adulation with caution, ambition with sympathy, and condescension with an inward smile.”
When live’s losses come for us, we have a choice. We can rehearse and resent them, living within their confines. Or we can pray for the grace to acknowledge and integrate them, reengaging life as wisely as the Count.
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