Category Archives: Accompaniment

Count Rostov, the uniquely charming protagonist of A Gentleman in Moscow, experiences the loss of stature, influence, and the world he has known.  (Not a spoiler!  It happens on page 1.)  By way of recovery from this loss, he casts a new narrative and describes his inclusion in the “Confederacy of the Humbled”: 

“a close-knit brotherhood whose members travel with no outward markings, but who know each other at a glance. For having fallen suddenly from grace, those in the Confederacy share a certain perspective. Knowing beauty, influence, fame, and privilege to be borrowed rather than bestowed, they are not easily impressed. They are not quick to envy or take offense. They certainly do not scour the papers in search of their own names. They remain committed to living among their peers, but they greet adulation with caution, ambition with sympathy, and condescension with an inward smile.”

When live’s losses come for us, we have a choice.  We can rehearse and resent them, living within their confines.  Or we can pray for the grace to acknowledge and integrate them, reengaging life as wisely as the Count. 

It is possible to have an experience that means to teach us – be it something wonderful or something difficult – and to miss its meaning. Maybe our attention is fragmented or stretched too thin.  Maybe we willfully resist the lesson.  We should not be surprised if life keeps offering us this lesson because weContinue reading “Missing the Meaning”

Last week at Sunday School, as our son’s class prepared for First Reconciliation, the instructors invited the students into a simple and illustrative activity.

There was a big heart drawn on the board, and the students were invited to fill it with habits and attachments that are not of God. 

The point was to show that the sacrament clears our hearts of these things, so that in our hearts might grow the fruits of the Spirit.

When the instructor started erasing the words and narrating the metaphor, one rather exuberant young colleague jumped up and yelled, in full seriousness: “Don’t erase mine!!”

This is, of course, hilarious and the perfect reaction to illustrate why we need to be invited to the sacrament. We want this freedom from sin… buuuut maybe not yet.

Let’s pray for the grace to act with the Spirit now and not later.

We are told that, for a young person, love is spelled T-I-M-E. That is, we love this child best when we consistently offer our undivided attention for meaningful amounts of time.

This may also be how we long for God to love us.

All we must do to make ourselves available to this love is offer our undivided attention for meaningful amounts of time.

As one might expect, our sons occasionally find themselves in a conversational rut. They are going back and forth in a way that makes them both angry and tired.

When they realize this is happening, they’ve started to say (mercifully): “Can we stop doing this?”

When we find ourselves in a communication or relational rut, we can ask the same – to change the dynamic and find another way forward.

Who has permission to tell you the truth (about yourself or the world)?

Usually we do not give this permission directly (though we can…). We typically give (or withhold) it by the quality of our relationships and the mindset with which we engage.

If a solid group of thoughtful people have a his permission, we can expect to learn a lot.

If we do not give anyone this permission (or give it only to those who think and live like us), we limit our potential intelligence.