Here are some constraints on how we communicate things that matter to us.
1. In order to be heard, we must speak our message in the inner language of the one who we want to listen.
2. We typically see and hear people as we are, not as they are.
3. People can sense when they are not really being heard… and when this happens, they muffle and hide their true inner language. (After all, why waste the effort on someone who is not listening?)
Put another way, we have to demonstrate ourselves worthy (typically by offering non-judgmental, kenotic presence) of someone’s inner language.
4. We can’t speak a language we’ve never really heard.
See all the potential problems that can arise?
In order to communicate effectively, we are going to have to stop thinking about how badly we want to be heard long enough to focus on that person and really see and hear them.