You Have Been God’s Grace to Me

The Pulitzer Prize-winning Gilead is a long letter that the speaker, John Ames, writes to his young son.  I have thought repeatedly about many of the lines in the book, but none more than this one.  

“I’m writing this in part to tell you that if you ever wonder what you’ve done in your life, and everyone does wonder sooner or later, you have been God’s grace to me, a miracle, something more than a miracle… If only I had the words to tell you.” (emphasis added)

The book is an arrestingly beautiful reminder that grace, the unearned and unbidden love of God, saves us from our silliness and self-sabotage.  And this quote in particular functions to remind me to attend to this grace as a parent.  

The ability to say to a child, “you have been God’s grace to me,” is one of the finest gifts a parent can receive. The care that then comes from this realization is one of the finest gifts we can give to a child. 

Showing Up With Tender Endurance

(This is a longer one, but it’s worth it.)

For a little over a year, our older son and I rode the train into Washington DC to the nearest public library story time.

We did this twice a week, no matter the weather, because the librarian, Philip, and the story time he orchestrated was that good.

I have thought often about why these 25 minute chunks of time were so consistently valuable to us. Here is what I’ve come up with.

Philip’s thoughtful preparation of the gathering was always evident.  Each story time was similarly structured but never was it stale.  It balanced predictability and variety in a way that oriented and delighted us.  Each session had a taste of music, typically accompanied by an instrument he would play, as well as a book or song in a language other than English.  His book selection represented excellent range and subtle humor as well as a general protection against the insipid volumes that too often characterize children’s literature.  

And his execution of each session was similarly full of care.  When leading the alphabet song, he would slow down around “L, M, N, O, P,” so that the children, for whom the letters were new, could distinguish them individually.  He would always read the name of the author and the illustrator so that we could find these or similar books later in the library.  He would often show up early to tune his violin or ukelele, and afterwards, show it to any child that might be around. His demeanor during the story time was gentle, friendly, and engaging, no small feat since the room was filled to capacity with 100 or so children and adults, carrying themselves with varying levels of courtesy. 

It occurred to me often that he could not have always felt like doing this.  But he did.  He did show up each time with remarkably consistent emotional endurance.  This consistency poured the love of language and music into our son. 

How was Philip able to show up as he did, with tender endurance, and so constantly?

I think it was his formation, in college and graduate school, as a musician and conductor.  For years, he dedicated himself to works of beauty and imagination within the musical form, and then shared that beauty in (perhaps imperfect, and so daringly vulnerable) performance for the enrichment of an audience.  We were seeing, 25 minutes at a time in that room at the back of the library, the fruit of his immersion in musical excellence.  He also has worked for years as a youth orchestral conductor and so, I must imagine, is primed to believe that young people are capable of a richer interior life than we often perceive or acknowledge.  Perhaps he looked at us, from his little plastic chair at the front of the room, as an orchestra of sorts in which artful language would grow richly and play out over a lifetime. 

The fruit that Philip’s talented endurance has borne in the life of our son is remarkable to consider and difficult to quantify.

From the time he was barely verbal, our son would hold story time in our living room, bracketing the session with Philip’s “hello” and “goodbye” songs, and lovingly displaying for me each page of each book he had chosen.  (There were usually about 30.)  He continued to do this months after we moved from Greater DC, and he knew more of the books’ words each time.

He often sorted his books into “Mr. Philip books” and “Non-Mr. Philip Books” and the familiarity with these titles and authors helped him navigate the shelves of any library. (I even came into his room last week, now almost two years after our last story time, and he had selected a stack of “Mr. Philip” books and was paging through them.)

I was not in the least surprised, then, when my son and I both cried after we said goodbye to Philip following our last story time, days before we moved.

So.  Let us never underestimate the value of showing up to our work consistently with tender endurance. Indeed, it may be one of the most important decisions we will ever make and will certainly bear more fruit than we know.

Our Favorite Mr. Philip Books

All the World, by Liz Garton Scanlon

Cat Goes Fiddle-i-Fee, by Paul Galdone

Chicka Chicka Boom Boom, by Bill Martin Jr. and John Archambault

Don’t Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus, by Mo Willems

Hooray for Hat, by Brian Won

I Ain’t Gonna Paint No More, by Karen Beaumont

Penguin Problems, by Jory John

Silly Sally, by Audrey Wood

They All Saw a Cat, by Brendan Wenzel

What a Wonderful World, illustrated by Tim Hopgood

Generosity of Mind

I have a friend who actively seeks out media that communicates a worldview that he does not encounter very often or necessarily share.  This is a unique and, I think, indispensable virtue for our times.  

If we were in an ethics class, what would we call this virtue? Generosity of mind, perhaps?  Self-interrogation?  Active open-mindedness?

He is a principled person, certainly, and not swayed by every argument.  Indeed, the utility of his virtue would be much diminished if he believed everything, or worse, nothing that he heard. 

This generosity of mind makes him into a person capable of expansive relationships.  This expansiveness represents a tremendous asset to our culture and helps him build a more just world. 

Conformism or Courage

Mary Ann Evans (under the pen name of George Eliot) wrote the following about the subtle conformism woven into the psyche of the town in Middlemarch.  

The town’s citizens, largely, assumed that, “[s]ane people did what their neighbors did, so that if any lunatics were at large, one might know and avoid them.” (a few pages into Book 1, Chapter 1)

The characters for whom this (brutal) sentence is true, are eminently manipulable by unstated expectations. They run from anything but “the accepted way” and they don’t really recognize how they circumscribe their lives in the process.  If we live, consciously or not, by the same maxim, then the same is true of us.  

But if we courageously develop the capacity to think,

and then to think about our thinking,

and then to think about how we think about our thinking,

then we are on the way to deep cognitive empathy and the ability to develop meaningful relationships with those with whom we might have otherwise considered silly, or worse, enemies.  

This takes courage, the fortitude to be strange and free.

Screen Time, for the Mind

If I swipe right on my iPhone, I can see the “Screen Time” widget, an itemized graph that shows me exactly how I spend time on my phone.

If we could access a similar report for our minds, what would it show?  Chunks of time in the flow of generous creation?  Obsessive analysis?  Active listening?  Beholding nature?  Beholding a child?  Learning something new?  Prayer?  What else?

Attending to how our mind attends to the world is occasionally frightening but certainly an enlightening and worthy endeavor.

Learned Captivity

I recently heard the following story of a tiger who spent years in a zoo.  Its habitat was tiny, about the size of a modest living room.  Eventually, the staff at the zoo found a comparatively enormous space for the tiger to live, some three or four acres. 

When the tiger was relocated, it feared this new space, and retreated to a corner of its new home.  It paced around this patch of its new world, wearing out the grass in exactly the same square footage as its previous habitat.  It had internalized the bounds of its captivity.

Our minds can learn a similar captivity as we rehearse and grasp onto limiting narratives.  New relationships go unexplored.  New worlds remain undiscovered.  We are capable of binding the potential expansiveness of our lives.

Commentary or Creation

I occasionally like to challenge myself with the following questions, regarding my relationship with the church.

In the past year, how much commentary have you offered?  That is, your opinion about what someone else was doing or creating?

In the past year, how much creation have you offered?  That is, you showing up and offering generous leadership, an educational experience, a moment of beauty, a sacred space.  Something that helps us thrive.  

I am certain that we need more generous creation.  I am not sure that we need more commentary.